Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Your friends are your friends, they are not your lunch

Okay a little background info:  when Eric and I moved to St. Louis in December of 2006, we had been married for a little over 6 months.  Not only were we leaving behind our familes (and that was incredibly hard) but we were leaving an amazing group of friends.  We were a part of 5-6 married couples who were our closest friends.  It included both of the families that Eric and I lived with before we got married, those that were in our wedding, people with whom we did ministry alongside.  People we did life with.  I ached for them after we left (you can clearly see why they were so special below).

When we moved to St. Louis, we got stuck in the youth ministry bubble and pretty much the only people we spent time with outside of church were teens.  The kids were great and I loved hanging, but I was in desperate need for some adult interaction.  When I finally did reach out, I got really hurt by a few people (a different story for a different time).  My integrity and heart were called into question and people I thought I knew turned out to be completely different.  It took a LOOOOOONG time for me to heal from that.  And because I was so gun-shy, it was almost a year before Eric and I actually started making friends in MO.

We finally joined a "young marrieds" class and it was a deal-sealer for us.   I honestly know I would not have made it as long in St. Louis as I did if it wasn't for this group of people.  As for the women, we cooked together, got pregnant together (that sounds weird, but you know what I mean), had babies, laughed, talked, and cried together.  I got to be a part of one family as a nanny for their precious little girl.  What started out as an arrangment of convenience turned into an amazing friendship.  If I can remember correctly, I think Tricia was the first person I told, aside from our families, that we were pregnant.   Looove her.  Then there's Carrie Imhoff (Sutherland?).  She rocks my socks and is pretty much one of the best moms I know.  And I think about her EVERY day since we left.  She's that great.  Ooo and Jen Bensinger.  Amazing woman.  Nuff said.  And Lisa Ryan makes By FAR the best icing I have ever tasted...and she likes The Office as much as we do, so we were instantly friends.  As for the men, well, they did weird men things together (including making me throw up while driving erratically in a parking lot of a Christian concert...thanks Mike).  But we had so much fun with this group.  When we left, they were the hardest thing to leave.

Lately, I miss this kind of stuff.  I miss sitting on the Witte's couch talking about weird stuff that we would never even mention to anyone else while watching ridiculously insane reality television mocking those on it (all the while Bob and I hoping we would get picked to be on the next season!).  I miss taking up waaaay too much of Tricia's work day talking about nothing in particular (or no one in particular as the case usually had it).

Eric makes fun of me because he says I am always on the hunt for a new friend...and I am!  As soon as we meet a couple, he can see the gleam in my eye and it's usually followed by, "Oooo I like them!  Did you like them?  I can really see us being friends!"  He just laughs.

I have definitely been wrong on my assumptions.  There have been people lately that I thought were going to be our matches and they were seriously not.  And there have been those that I wrote off completely, and they turned out much nicer (what a lame word) than I thought.

We are surrounded by great people at Spring of Life.  Absolutely looove it there.  And I have a great friend that I get to hang out with and our little boys about once a week and mommychat (yes, that is one word).  So while I am definitely not lonely at this stage of my life, I am feeling the lack of the intimate friendships that we have had in the past.

I was just reading what I had written and it totally sounded like an application for The Bachelor.  "I am ready for love.  I cannot wait to take that next step in my life and settle down with the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

I can't help it.  That's who I am.  Corny, cheesy, and a big nerd.  But I love friends!

Oooo and I am super excited because Eric is doing a "boys night" with our church staff and some others this week.  He asked me "Can I swing by?  Do you mind?"

Hello!?   Swing by?  Do I mind?!  How else are we supposed to find our friend-soulmates?!  I toned it down when I answered him to just give my wifely approval.

But watch out boys--I might make Eric bring a questionairre for you to fill out so I can figure out which of your wives will be my new "Bachelorette" watching-buddy.  Eric is ready for it not to be him.


  1. Ok so, sorry I won't watch the Bachelorette with you, but we do need more married-couple time! It is so hard to find great friends with kids (we love our friendless kids, wait I mean kidless friends, but you know how it is)...I guess admittedly I never initiate couple time 'cause I think you guys are super-busy compared to our boring old life :) My offer to make dinner for all of us still stands, you just tell us when.

  2. Oh my gosh...I TOTALLY told Joseph the SAME thing...I want a good friend who has kids and whose hubby likes my hubby...

    I felt like such a needy momma telling Joseph this, but I don't have a close friend that I hang out with all the time! And I want one! ;) Not that I am sending a hint out here, but I just know how you feel. I am also feeling a lack in the intimate friendships area. It stinks...Oh, and I LOVE The Bachelorette, so if you want a buddy to watch it with, I watch it alone on Monday nights (Joseph works). :)

  3. I will assume that you are still so upset about leaving me that mentioning my name in this post would have brought you to tears so great that you wouldn't have been able to finish. Love you friend! It will get better in time!

  4. Uh Carrie, you go without saying! Eric and I would have gone CRAZY (way earlier than we actually did!) without you and Brent. You were our breaths of fresh air. I am really sorry I didn't put you in here! I don't know why I didn't! Mommy brain?

  5. Move back in with us and let's go on minute to win it.






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