Today in church I was really excited...thinking I was finally really hearing from God about where I needed to be serving at Spring of Life: It was time for me to get back into worship ministry. It had been far too long and the desire had been overtaking my soul! Okay, so I was all squared away in my head, already mentally writing my email to our worship pastor about auditions. Then at the end of the service our pastor was talking about the need the children's ministry had--they were about to kick off a new program and I definitely already knew of the need they had there for help with actors/singers in the new KidzLife stuff. Dang it. So they really need help there. And I know I could really be used. Dang it. Then comes the question of childcare: What the heck do I do with my kid when I am serving (not necessarily Sundays during service, but rehearsals, meetings, etc...) Then there was the email I got from our women's minister who is looking for help planning and organizing events for our Girlfriend's ministry. Hello!? Do I LOVE planning? Yes. Do I get obsessed with organizing? Duh. But as soon as I read the email I automatically thought about all the time I don't have with my son and husband already because I am working. Do I have more time to give up? The totally negative side of my head flushes all of those ideas down the toilet and leads me back to the drawing board. I am not sure how I go from finally "definitely" hearing from God on something I have been praying about for months to feeling like I can do nothing in a matter of minutes.
I do this to myself all of the time...half-start things because I think I would have fun or I would be good at it or I could really help people...and then something comes up and I drop it. Right now I have 5 plants ready to be planted along with 5 milk jugs in my kitchen waiting to be made into my homemade topsy turvys. I have a HUGE box full of scrapbooking junk that I don't have a clue how to use but that I bought with intention of scrapbooking my wedding--4 years ago. Somewhere in our stuff (or maybe I finally threw it away) is a chalk drawing I did on a whim 2 years ago because I thought I was going to be artsy (it was supposed to be this abstract interpretation of God's love showering down on us. I showed Eric and he asked if it was a volcano. Don't worry, he wasn't being mean. It really did look like a volcano. There goes my artsy side). I currently have 3 different diets I am researching as well as 2 different exercise plans. I am in the middle of 3 books. Two months ago I had the first paragraph written to my novel I was going to sell zillions of copies.
My brain goes in a million different directions at once but can only do 3 or 4 things really well.
I am a mom, wife, and a follower of Christ (and not in that order). Those 3 go without saying. So what else is me? Eric and I have had about a billion conversations about hobbies. He has several things he is really passionate about and really good at: cars, drums, guitar, writing. I could probably name off 5 more. But what the heck do I do? Read? That's all I got. Where can I be used best by God? I don't really have any answers right now (sorry if you were looking for some dramatic conclusion in this post). I do know that I need to be serving consistently though...somewhere. I ramp myself up with all of these hesitations and it leads me to do nothing. To sit and do nothing. Well, I gotta do SOMETHING! Now to find out what it is...