Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Your friends are your friends, they are not your lunch

Okay a little background info:  when Eric and I moved to St. Louis in December of 2006, we had been married for a little over 6 months.  Not only were we leaving behind our familes (and that was incredibly hard) but we were leaving an amazing group of friends.  We were a part of 5-6 married couples who were our closest friends.  It included both of the families that Eric and I lived with before we got married, those that were in our wedding, people with whom we did ministry alongside.  People we did life with.  I ached for them after we left (you can clearly see why they were so special below).

When we moved to St. Louis, we got stuck in the youth ministry bubble and pretty much the only people we spent time with outside of church were teens.  The kids were great and I loved hanging, but I was in desperate need for some adult interaction.  When I finally did reach out, I got really hurt by a few people (a different story for a different time).  My integrity and heart were called into question and people I thought I knew turned out to be completely different.  It took a LOOOOOONG time for me to heal from that.  And because I was so gun-shy, it was almost a year before Eric and I actually started making friends in MO.

We finally joined a "young marrieds" class and it was a deal-sealer for us.   I honestly know I would not have made it as long in St. Louis as I did if it wasn't for this group of people.  As for the women, we cooked together, got pregnant together (that sounds weird, but you know what I mean), had babies, laughed, talked, and cried together.  I got to be a part of one family as a nanny for their precious little girl.  What started out as an arrangment of convenience turned into an amazing friendship.  If I can remember correctly, I think Tricia was the first person I told, aside from our families, that we were pregnant.   Looove her.  Then there's Carrie Imhoff (Sutherland?).  She rocks my socks and is pretty much one of the best moms I know.  And I think about her EVERY day since we left.  She's that great.  Ooo and Jen Bensinger.  Amazing woman.  Nuff said.  And Lisa Ryan makes By FAR the best icing I have ever tasted...and she likes The Office as much as we do, so we were instantly friends.  As for the men, well, they did weird men things together (including making me throw up while driving erratically in a parking lot of a Christian concert...thanks Mike).  But we had so much fun with this group.  When we left, they were the hardest thing to leave.

Lately, I miss this kind of stuff.  I miss sitting on the Witte's couch talking about weird stuff that we would never even mention to anyone else while watching ridiculously insane reality television mocking those on it (all the while Bob and I hoping we would get picked to be on the next season!).  I miss taking up waaaay too much of Tricia's work day talking about nothing in particular (or no one in particular as the case usually had it).

Eric makes fun of me because he says I am always on the hunt for a new friend...and I am!  As soon as we meet a couple, he can see the gleam in my eye and it's usually followed by, "Oooo I like them!  Did you like them?  I can really see us being friends!"  He just laughs.

I have definitely been wrong on my assumptions.  There have been people lately that I thought were going to be our matches and they were seriously not.  And there have been those that I wrote off completely, and they turned out much nicer (what a lame word) than I thought.

We are surrounded by great people at Spring of Life.  Absolutely looove it there.  And I have a great friend that I get to hang out with and our little boys about once a week and mommychat (yes, that is one word).  So while I am definitely not lonely at this stage of my life, I am feeling the lack of the intimate friendships that we have had in the past.

I was just reading what I had written and it totally sounded like an application for The Bachelor.  "I am ready for love.  I cannot wait to take that next step in my life and settle down with the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

I can't help it.  That's who I am.  Corny, cheesy, and a big nerd.  But I love friends!

Oooo and I am super excited because Eric is doing a "boys night" with our church staff and some others this week.  He asked me "Can I swing by?  Do you mind?"

Hello!?   Swing by?  Do I mind?!  How else are we supposed to find our friend-soulmates?!  I toned it down when I answered him to just give my wifely approval.

But watch out boys--I might make Eric bring a questionairre for you to fill out so I can figure out which of your wives will be my new "Bachelorette" watching-buddy.  Eric is ready for it not to be him.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Too many rabbit trails

Today in church I was really excited...thinking I was finally really hearing from God about where I needed to be serving at Spring of Life:  It was time for me to get back into worship ministry.  It had been far too long and the desire had been overtaking my soul!  Okay, so I was all squared away in my head, already mentally writing my email to our worship pastor about auditions.  Then at the end of the service our pastor was talking about the need the children's ministry had--they were about to kick off a new program and I definitely already knew of the need they had there for help with actors/singers in the new KidzLife stuff.  Dang it.  So they really need help there.  And I know I could really be used.  Dang it.  Then comes the question of childcare:  What the heck do I do with my kid when I am serving (not necessarily Sundays during service, but rehearsals, meetings, etc...) Then there was the email I got from our women's minister who is looking for help planning and organizing events for our Girlfriend's ministry.  Hello!?  Do I LOVE planning?  Yes.  Do I get obsessed with organizing?  Duh.  But as soon as I read the email I automatically thought about all the time I don't have with my son and husband already because I am working.  Do I have more time to give up?  The totally negative side of my head flushes all of those ideas down the toilet and leads me back to the drawing board.  I am not sure how I go from finally "definitely" hearing from God on something I have been praying about for months to feeling like I can do nothing in a matter of minutes.

I do this to myself all of the time...half-start things because I think I would have fun or I would be good at it or I could really help people...and then something comes up and I drop it.  Right now I have 5 plants ready to be planted along with 5 milk jugs in my kitchen waiting to be made into my homemade topsy turvys.  I have a HUGE box full of scrapbooking junk that I don't have a clue how to use but that I bought with intention of scrapbooking my wedding--4 years ago.  Somewhere in our stuff (or maybe I finally threw it away) is a chalk drawing I did on a whim 2 years ago because I thought I was going to be artsy (it was supposed to be this abstract interpretation of God's love showering down on us.  I showed Eric and he asked if it was a volcano.  Don't worry, he wasn't being mean.  It really did look like a volcano.  There goes my artsy side).  I currently have 3 different diets I am researching as well as 2 different exercise plans.   I am in the middle of 3 books.  Two months ago I had the first paragraph written to my novel I was going to sell zillions of copies.

My brain goes in a million different directions at once but can only do 3 or 4 things really well.

I am a mom, wife, and a follower of Christ (and not in that order).  Those 3 go without saying.  So what else is me?  Eric and I have had about a billion conversations about hobbies.  He has several things he is really passionate about and really good at:  cars, drums, guitar, writing.  I could probably name off 5 more.  But what the heck do I do?  Read?  That's all I got.  Where can I be used best by God?  I don't really have any answers right now (sorry if you were looking for some dramatic conclusion in this post).  I do know that I need to be serving consistently though...somewhere.  I ramp myself up with all of these hesitations and it leads me to do nothing.  To sit and do nothing.  Well, I gotta do SOMETHING!  Now to find out what it is...




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